"I wish I could tell you who is going to be the quarterback. I don't know. I don't know. Whoever the quarterback is, I'm 100 percent down with it and I'm ready to go. That's it."
-Michael Crabtree, San Francisco 49ers' WR
Crabtree was commenting on the fact that the 49ers invited both Alex Smith and an automatic throwing machine to a team minicamp this weekend.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Quote of the Day
"It's a beautiful day. It's a beautiful day to be reunited with my family. I want to go home and spend some quality time with them."
-Plaxico Burress, upon exiting a NY State correctional facility on Monday
This probably would have been more moving if Plax didn't literally walk right out of prison and right into a car to go to a casino to booze and gamble away what's left of his money. The Football Ranter didn't realize "I want to go home and spend some quality time with [my family]" was prisonese for "WOO! STRIPPERS AND BLACKJACK MOTHER FUCKER! AWWW YEAAAAA!" Seriously though, if saying you want to be with your family, then taking them with you to Turning Stone Casino in upstate New York isn't a sign that 20 months in prison hasn't changed a fucking thing, I don't know is. Not to mention Plax was repeatedly reprimanded in prison for lying to guards and trying to get special treatment. So uhh...welcome home Plax?
-Plaxico Burress, upon exiting a NY State correctional facility on Monday
This probably would have been more moving if Plax didn't literally walk right out of prison and right into a car to go to a casino to booze and gamble away what's left of his money. The Football Ranter didn't realize "I want to go home and spend some quality time with [my family]" was prisonese for "WOO! STRIPPERS AND BLACKJACK MOTHER FUCKER! AWWW YEAAAAA!" Seriously though, if saying you want to be with your family, then taking them with you to Turning Stone Casino in upstate New York isn't a sign that 20 months in prison hasn't changed a fucking thing, I don't know is. Not to mention Plax was repeatedly reprimanded in prison for lying to guards and trying to get special treatment. So uhh...welcome home Plax?
Monday, June 6, 2011
Quote of the Day
"Life is a game of inches...so is football."
-Tony D'Amato (Al Pacino), Any Given Sunday
If you can watch the video of that speech and not get so jacked up you're willing to fight Ray Lewis, you're either not human or you don't like football...which is the same thing. I was so pumped after watching this that I punched police horse in the neck and threw my laptop through a car windshield on the way to work. No one needs steroids if they just listen to this speech before working out, it is that epic. And yes, if you disagree, the Football Ranter will fight you. OK, the Football Ranter will schedule a fight with you, then not show because he's a pussy. Whatever, same difference.
Happy Monday, Lunatics.
-Tony D'Amato (Al Pacino), Any Given Sunday
If you can watch the video of that speech and not get so jacked up you're willing to fight Ray Lewis, you're either not human or you don't like football...which is the same thing. I was so pumped after watching this that I punched police horse in the neck and threw my laptop through a car windshield on the way to work. No one needs steroids if they just listen to this speech before working out, it is that epic. And yes, if you disagree, the Football Ranter will fight you. OK, the Football Ranter will schedule a fight with you, then not show because he's a pussy. Whatever, same difference.
Happy Monday, Lunatics.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
2011 NFL Draft Grades 6-10
Welcome back, Lunatics. After a month to reflect on it all, the Football Ranter will grade all 32 teams' drafts. There are two ratings for each team; the first is a general A to F scale and the second is a picture that the Football Ranter feels describes the team's draft.
When reading the grades, remember the following points: First, grading a draft a month after it happens is completely arbitrary. It takes three years to effectively evaluate a draft, so these grades are pure speculation. Second, grades are weighted by round a prospect is drafted in; lower rounds picks have historically been far, far less likely to become valuable NFL starters. Many will never even make a team out of training camp. Because of that, nailing the upper-round picks is far more important for a team than getting good value in the later rounds and we won't discuss late round picks unless something really weird happened.
Check out the grades for picks 6-10 after the jump. The earlier picks have been included in the post for ease of reference.
When reading the grades, remember the following points: First, grading a draft a month after it happens is completely arbitrary. It takes three years to effectively evaluate a draft, so these grades are pure speculation. Second, grades are weighted by round a prospect is drafted in; lower rounds picks have historically been far, far less likely to become valuable NFL starters. Many will never even make a team out of training camp. Because of that, nailing the upper-round picks is far more important for a team than getting good value in the later rounds and we won't discuss late round picks unless something really weird happened.
Check out the grades for picks 6-10 after the jump. The earlier picks have been included in the post for ease of reference.
Friday, June 3, 2011
Quote of the Day
"That's what we were interested in doing, have the owners and players talk to one another. That was accomplished this week. ... That's a positive sign for us."
-Roger Goodell
Hey Roger, the Football Ranter has a "positive sign" for you. Now shut the fuck up and get back to the table so football can start, you arrogant, dung-farming sheep-fucker.
-Roger Goodell
Hey Roger, the Football Ranter has a "positive sign" for you. Now shut the fuck up and get back to the table so football can start, you arrogant, dung-farming sheep-fucker.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Quote of the Day
"There is no chance Plaxico Burress is a New York Giant after he comes home. He isn't coming to the Giants. He's got options. I would love for him to be a part of the Giants. I don't think that is even on his plate."
-Brandon Jacobs, NY Giants' RB
Yea no kidding, Brandon. He only blew away the Giants' shot at a repeat championship by shooting himself in the leg with his own fucking gun. Someone will take a shot in the dark on him, but the Giants already spent 4 years playing Russian Roulette with Plaxico and I don't think they're eager to fire away again on that front. Plaxico is gonna have to reload and head to Philly he can try to bust a cap in the Giants and not himself.
(NINE!! Nine gun references in one paragraph! Die in a fire pig fuckers, cause no one is topping that shit! BOOM!)
(But seriously, email the Football Ranter, FootballRanter@gmail.com, if you can do better.)
-Brandon Jacobs, NY Giants' RB
Yea no kidding, Brandon. He only blew away the Giants' shot at a repeat championship by shooting himself in the leg with his own fucking gun. Someone will take a shot in the dark on him, but the Giants already spent 4 years playing Russian Roulette with Plaxico and I don't think they're eager to fire away again on that front. Plaxico is gonna have to reload and head to Philly he can try to bust a cap in the Giants and not himself.
(NINE!! Nine gun references in one paragraph! Die in a fire pig fuckers, cause no one is topping that shit! BOOM!)
(But seriously, email the Football Ranter, FootballRanter@gmail.com, if you can do better.)
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Quote of the Day
"Haynesworth's mistake was getting out of the car. Most judges don't like that, and find the person who gets out of the car bears more responsibility. From that point on, the stories diverge."
Haynesworth took $40 million in Redskins money to play, then refused to play because he didn't like the 3-4 defense. Then he reluctantly showed up to camp out of practice, overweight and under-motivated. This years after he stomped Dallas Center Andre Gurode's face in after a play. Also, he probably caused hurricane Katrina. But yea, getting out of the car was his mistake.
PS- one of the statements above may be an exaggeration.
PPS- Just in case you couldn't guess, "overweight" was the exaggeration. I'm pretty sure he tried to eat Cortland Finnegan during a team meeting, confusing him with a live chicken.
-Steve Merril, Albert Haynesworth's Attorney, after settling a road rage-assault claim against the player
Haynesworth took $40 million in Redskins money to play, then refused to play because he didn't like the 3-4 defense. Then he reluctantly showed up to camp out of practice, overweight and under-motivated. This years after he stomped Dallas Center Andre Gurode's face in after a play. Also, he probably caused hurricane Katrina. But yea, getting out of the car was his mistake.
PS- one of the statements above may be an exaggeration.
PPS- Just in case you couldn't guess, "overweight" was the exaggeration. I'm pretty sure he tried to eat Cortland Finnegan during a team meeting, confusing him with a live chicken.
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