Quote of the Day: FRIDAY DOUBLE BONUS!

"After about an hour of discussing my current contract...[Giants' GM Jerry Reese] told me that two years from the start of the 2008 league year, if I was currently playing at a high level, we'd either renegotiate my current contract so that it would be equal to that of the top five defensive ends playing or I would be traded to a team that would do that.  Before leaving the meeting, I asked Mr. Reese twice if he was absolutely sure that would be the case. He then told me that he was an honest and church-going man and that he would not lie, which I believed to be the case."
                                                          -Osi Umenyiora, NY Giants' DE

"Overrated n soft 3rd best d-line on his team honestly"
                   -Lesean McCoy, Philadelphia Eagles' RB, in response to Umenyiora's quote

Well nothing to see here, folks.  Ho hum, just Osi griping about his contract for the million-bajillionth time and then getting his asshole shredded by a division rival on twitter.  The only thing worse than that would be letting a division rival come back from being down 24 points in your building in less than eight minutes, but that could never happen.  Let's be fair though, Osi had 11.5 sacks and 10, yes TEN forced fumbles this past year.  Those are Dwight Freeney type numbers.  Now the Football Ranter is not suggesting Osi is as good as Freeney.  He's not.  But defensive ends who put up those kind of numbers make fucking bank in the NFL and Osi's contract is definitely below market value.  However, Osi spent all of the '08 season on IR, then spent all of '09 gargling camel semen as the Giants employed the famous "bend over, spread cheeks" defense.  Not exactly the track record you look for when someone asks for a 70 or 80 million dollar contract.  In essence, both of the above quotes stink.

Quote of the Day

"I think everyone kind of has that feeling, that this thing's [the lockout] starting to end.''

                                                    -Andrew Whitworth, Bengals' OT

This after news yesterday that the talks almost "blew up completely" when the two sides brought the lawyers back into it.  Just more proof that lawyers are the fourth lowest form of life on earth.  They clock in ahead of only punters, people who order diet coke with a bacon-triple-cheeseburger, and this guy.

End the lockout, owners and players.  For the love of all that is holy, split up your billions and just move on with life.  No one wants to lose $700 million in revenue if there's no preseason.  The Football Ranter predicts this will be over after the July 4 weekend.  Let's see if these morons can get out of their own way in time to make that happen. 

Quote of the Day

"It's been a long time since I watched a high school football game, or a college game for that matter.  I kind of look forward to it."
                                                                                         -Brett Favre

This quote was taken from a Sports Illustrated Article today with the headline, "Favre: Done With Football, Not Sure What's Next."  Why was this man being interviewed?  Who cares what he's excited about anymore?  He finally retired, for good this time.  Go away, Brett.  No one wants to be your friend and no one wants to hear about what you're doing now that you're done sexting dick shots to sideline reporters.  WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO HOME?? ANSWER ME!  But seriously, go home and shut the fuck up, Brett.

Quote of the Day

"I am happy that he has reached this point and he's in secure hands [with Agent Drew Rosenhaus]."
                                                              -Larry James, Terrelle Pryor's Attorney

Is there anyone, and I mean anyone, that didn't see this one coming?  This was as easy as picking the winner of a Harlem Globetrotters game.  There are blind beggars in Indonesia who knew about this before it happened.  Tribesmen from those little islands between Australia and New Zealand broke this news.  Congratulations to Drew Rosenhaus and Terrelle Pryor, you're perfect for each other.  Scumbags Inc. grows by one more client this morning. 

Quote of the Day

"I feel like I'm the best, but you're not going to get me to say that."
                                                                     -Jerry Rice

Uhh...but...Jerry...You know what, nevermind.  Let's all just move on.

Quote of the Day

"He did not go into discussion. He just said he's not interested in the Canadian Football League. Obviously the offer was not sufficient to whet his taste buds."
                                                             -Larry James, Terrell Pryor's Attorney

Well nothing to see here folks.  Another day, another giant shit on Canada's head.  Terrell Pryor would rather be not playing football in a potentially non-existent NFL than risk it getting out that he even spoke with a Canadian team.  So basically, what we're trying to say is, America, Fuck Yea!  (WARNING: Do not listen to that clip at work with the sound turned up.  Co-workers around you may think you're too awesome and start a violent pro-America rally.)

Quote of the Day

"Hopefully [Plaxico will] use my situation as an example and go out and try and emulate what I've done in his own way..."
                                                                              -Michael Vick

Do I even need to write a joke here?  Blah blah blah, Plaxico dog fighting blah blah. 

BAHAHA- just kidding.  Of course I do.

Vick discussing the possibility of re-opening Bad Newz Kennels under new management.