"The answer is, we'll get it done...The answer is, we won’t miss any football. Certainly, that is our goal. Their move into litigation will ultimately result in going right back into negotiation, in our view."
-Jerry Jones, Dallas Cowboys' Owner
Only Jerry has the ability to say something important and then totally minimize whatever he just said within the very same sentence. So don't worry football fans, it'll get done, or at least, that's the goal.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
Quote of the Day
"I've said it many times: If both sides have an equal commitment to getting this deal done, it will get done. I don't know if both sides have an equal commitment. ... Obviously, we have the commitment."
-Jeff Pash, NFL's Lead Negotiator
If these morons cannot get beyond the "slam dick on table and make unreasonable demands" stage of negotiation, there will be no NFL football next year. Stupidity of this level is difficult to fathom. Hey, assholes, stop rattling sabres in the media and get this done.
-Jeff Pash, NFL's Lead Negotiator
If these morons cannot get beyond the "slam dick on table and make unreasonable demands" stage of negotiation, there will be no NFL football next year. Stupidity of this level is difficult to fathom. Hey, assholes, stop rattling sabres in the media and get this done.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Quote of the Day
"If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?"
-Charlie Sheen Vince Lombardi
Just a reminder to all you Lunatics that Lombardi is God. Charlie Sheen is just his prophet.
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Just a reminder to all you Lunatics that Lombardi is God. Charlie Sheen is just his prophet.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
That's My Quarterback!
Welcome back, Lunatics, for another round of "That's My Quaterback!" This week's QB has the following stats:
2010 Season Stats: 57.8% completion percentage, 3000 yards, 23TDs, 15INTs, 81.8QB rating.
Is this your Quarterback? Find out after the jump.
2010 Season Stats: 57.8% completion percentage, 3000 yards, 23TDs, 15INTs, 81.8QB rating.
Is this your Quarterback? Find out after the jump.
Quote of the Day
"My job is to win games. That, I will promise you will happen. I can't put a number on it this first season, but I will promise you we'll be in the championship at some level very soon."
-John Fox, Denver Broncos New Head Coach
When pressed on how soon "very soon" was, Fox inquired as to when the next Halley's Comet was, or when the North American continent was due for a second Ice Age. He then yelled, "look over there!", knocked the podium over and fled the Broncos' media room at high speed.
-John Fox, Denver Broncos New Head Coach
When pressed on how soon "very soon" was, Fox inquired as to when the next Halley's Comet was, or when the North American continent was due for a second Ice Age. He then yelled, "look over there!", knocked the podium over and fled the Broncos' media room at high speed.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
BREAKING NEWS: Brett Favre Comes Out of Retir- Wait, What? It's Tiki This Time? For Real?
Your read that correctly, Lunatics. Tiki Barber made a desperation bid for more cash came out of retirement today and announced his intention to play NFL football provided there is a 2011 season. Tiki Barber is the New York G-Men all-time leading rusher and was straight up BUCK FREAKING NASTY when he was in his prime, which extended to the very day he retired. Fuck yea Tiki Barber!
Unfortunately Tiki's prime was 5 years, a wife and a smokin' hot intern ago. At 36 years old, Tiki is as useful to an NFL team as a dictionary is to the illiterate. Sure, it's heavy and they can still slug you in the cock with it, but that's not really why you gave them the dictionary now was it? Same thing here with Tiki...OK, that was nothing like the situation with Tiki. Let me try again. Tiki is to an NFL team what a donkey show is to Mexico: an ongoing train wreck so awful that you cannot help but pay to see it over and over again every time you go to Cancun for spring break last year...and the Football Ranter senses that he's veered off topic yet again.
Here's the point: Tiki Barber was, once upon a time, the best running back in the NFL. He had four seasons of 1000+ Rushing, 500+ Receiving yards and he totaled over 2000 yards from scrimmage in each of his last three seasons. In short, the guy was a High Priest Vatican Assassin Warlock. Today, Tiki is a carnival attraction. A desperate man without a career or a super bowl ring clinging to the last vestige of long-faded glory. Tiki left his wife for an intern, left a potentially hall of fame career for the broadcasting booth and left his integrity for, well, nothing when he ripped Old Man Coughlin and G-Men before watching them beat the Greatest Team of All Time in The Greatest Superbowl Ever. The Football Ranter does not believe for even a second that Tiki Barber was "inspired to play again by his brother Ronde's exploits." Tiki is inspired to return because he needs cash like Andy Dick needs coke. For Tiki to have any shot at all of making an NFL roster, he's going to have to demonstrate that even though he's as ancient as Stonehenge, he can still play the game. The Football Ranter would bet his life savings (as if he had any) that Tiki cannot do it. Instead, Lunatics, look forward to seeing Tiki star in the pre-game warmups of some UFL team that picks him up to attract crowds, but buries him behind Maurice Clarett on the depth chart.
So while Tiki's comeback is as ill-advised as snorting drain-o, we here at Football Ranters honor the STRAIGHT FREAKING FIRE that Tiki once was. Fuck yea Tiki Barber! (Editor's note: I dunno who that chick is, but the look on her face says she literally sucked Tiki's dick straight off his body after that photo was taken.)
Until next time, Lunatics.
Unfortunately Tiki's prime was 5 years, a wife and a smokin' hot intern ago. At 36 years old, Tiki is as useful to an NFL team as a dictionary is to the illiterate. Sure, it's heavy and they can still slug you in the cock with it, but that's not really why you gave them the dictionary now was it? Same thing here with Tiki...OK, that was nothing like the situation with Tiki. Let me try again. Tiki is to an NFL team what a donkey show is to Mexico: an ongoing train wreck so awful that you cannot help but pay to see it over and over again every time you go to Cancun for spring break last year...and the Football Ranter senses that he's veered off topic yet again.
Here's the point: Tiki Barber was, once upon a time, the best running back in the NFL. He had four seasons of 1000+ Rushing, 500+ Receiving yards and he totaled over 2000 yards from scrimmage in each of his last three seasons. In short, the guy was a High Priest Vatican Assassin Warlock. Today, Tiki is a carnival attraction. A desperate man without a career or a super bowl ring clinging to the last vestige of long-faded glory. Tiki left his wife for an intern, left a potentially hall of fame career for the broadcasting booth and left his integrity for, well, nothing when he ripped Old Man Coughlin and G-Men before watching them beat the Greatest Team of All Time in The Greatest Superbowl Ever. The Football Ranter does not believe for even a second that Tiki Barber was "inspired to play again by his brother Ronde's exploits." Tiki is inspired to return because he needs cash like Andy Dick needs coke. For Tiki to have any shot at all of making an NFL roster, he's going to have to demonstrate that even though he's as ancient as Stonehenge, he can still play the game. The Football Ranter would bet his life savings (as if he had any) that Tiki cannot do it. Instead, Lunatics, look forward to seeing Tiki star in the pre-game warmups of some UFL team that picks him up to attract crowds, but buries him behind Maurice Clarett on the depth chart.
So while Tiki's comeback is as ill-advised as snorting drain-o, we here at Football Ranters honor the STRAIGHT FREAKING FIRE that Tiki once was. Fuck yea Tiki Barber! (Editor's note: I dunno who that chick is, but the look on her face says she literally sucked Tiki's dick straight off his body after that photo was taken.)
Until next time, Lunatics.
Quote of the Day
"He's a nice guy, but he played too much football with his helmet off."
-Lyndon Baines Johnson
No joke here, this is what the original LBJ had to say about future Commander-in-Chief Gerald Ford. Boom! Roasted.
-Lyndon Baines Johnson
No joke here, this is what the original LBJ had to say about future Commander-in-Chief Gerald Ford. Boom! Roasted.
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