BREAKING NEWS: Brett Favre Comes Out of Retir- Wait, What? It's Tiki This Time? For Real?

Your read that correctly, Lunatics.  Tiki Barber made a desperation bid for more cash came out of retirement today and announced his intention to play NFL football provided there is a 2011 season.  Tiki Barber is the New York G-Men all-time leading rusher and was straight up BUCK FREAKING NASTY when he was in his prime, which extended to the very day he retired.  Fuck yea Tiki Barber!  

Unfortunately Tiki's prime was 5 years, a wife and a smokin' hot intern ago.  At 36 years old, Tiki is as useful to an NFL team as a dictionary is to the illiterate.  Sure, it's heavy and they can still slug you in the cock with it, but that's not really why you gave them the dictionary now was it?  Same thing here with Tiki...OK, that was nothing like the situation with Tiki.  Let me try again.  Tiki is to an NFL team what a donkey show is to Mexico: an ongoing train wreck so awful that you cannot help but pay to see it over and over again every time you go to Cancun for spring break last year...and the Football Ranter senses that he's veered off topic yet again.

Here's the point: Tiki Barber was, once upon a time, the best running back in the NFL.  He had four seasons of 1000+ Rushing, 500+ Receiving yards and he totaled over 2000 yards from scrimmage in each of his last three seasons.  In short, the guy was a High Priest Vatican Assassin Warlock.  Today, Tiki is a carnival attraction.  A desperate man without a career or a super bowl ring clinging to the last vestige of long-faded glory.  Tiki left his wife for an intern, left a potentially hall of fame career for the broadcasting booth and left his integrity for, well, nothing when he ripped Old Man Coughlin and G-Men before watching them beat the Greatest Team of All Time in The Greatest Superbowl Ever.  The Football Ranter does not believe for even a second that Tiki Barber was "inspired to play again by his brother Ronde's exploits."  Tiki is inspired to return because he needs cash like Andy Dick needs coke.  For Tiki to have any shot at all of making an NFL roster, he's going to have to demonstrate that even though he's as ancient as Stonehenge, he can still play the game.  The Football Ranter would bet his life savings (as if he had any) that Tiki cannot do it.  Instead, Lunatics, look forward to seeing Tiki star in the pre-game warmups of some UFL team that picks him up to attract crowds, but buries him behind Maurice Clarett on the depth chart.

So while Tiki's comeback is as ill-advised as snorting drain-o, we here at Football Ranters honor the STRAIGHT FREAKING FIRE that Tiki once was.  Fuck yea Tiki Barber!  (Editor's note: I dunno who that chick is, but the look on her face says she literally sucked Tiki's dick straight off his body after that photo was taken.)

Until next time, Lunatics.