“[Tim] Tebow played as ineptly as any sorry excuse for a pro quarterback possibly could. He was laughably bad. Those five wonderful minutes against Miami now look like an aberration. Right here, right now, he is the worst quarterback in the NFL.”
-Mark Kiszla, Columnist at the Denver Post
Bahaha! Has anyone in the history of mankind ever been betrayed more quickly by those close to them? Actually, one person does come to mind. Ooh...awkward...
But really, can we have people back off the ledge just a fucking bit one way or the other? I mean, I've been hating on Tebow since even before he was drafted. For me, this kind of statement would be both expected and normal. But for a beat writer who probably spent last week polishing the head of Tebow's dick with his mouth, this just feels wrong. I can't believe I'm going to say this, but this is basically Tebow's rookie year. Give him the full season and then make your evaluation of him. Do I believe at that point it will be fair to say he's the worst QB in the NFL? Probably. But if you're a Denver fan and especially if you're a Denver beat writer, Tebowmania deserves the rest of the year, no? It's not like this team was headed to the playoffs this year anyway. So step off the ledge, Mark Kiszla -- we're just not there yet.
Monday, October 31, 2011
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Week 8 Picks
Welcome back, Lunatics. Check out the Football Ranter's Week 8 NFL picks including the degenerate gambler angle.
Fun starts after the jump.
Fun starts after the jump.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Quote of the Day
"Reports released [regarding Terrell Owens' suicide attempt] with the 911 call (Thursday) are misleading and not factual."
-Diana Bianchini, T.O.'s publicist
T.O. is 37 years old, spent last year catching dying ducks from Carson Palmer on a 4-12 Bengals team, then blew out his ACL doing...well nothing. Then he rehabs and holds a workout only to have zero NFL teams attend, even though he caught 72 balls for 983 yards and 9 TDs last year. So I guess my only question here is...why not just go through with it? I mean, it can't really get much worse for T.O. given how things are going. Maybe just take a long walk off a short pier and see where things go? I dunno, just food for thought.
PS- OK I admit, that was harsh even for me. Suicide is no laughing matter.
PPS- Unless it's this.
-Diana Bianchini, T.O.'s publicist
T.O. is 37 years old, spent last year catching dying ducks from Carson Palmer on a 4-12 Bengals team, then blew out his ACL doing...well nothing. Then he rehabs and holds a workout only to have zero NFL teams attend, even though he caught 72 balls for 983 yards and 9 TDs last year. So I guess my only question here is...why not just go through with it? I mean, it can't really get much worse for T.O. given how things are going. Maybe just take a long walk off a short pier and see where things go? I dunno, just food for thought.
PS- OK I admit, that was harsh even for me. Suicide is no laughing matter.
PPS- Unless it's this.
Power Rankings: Week 7
Welcome back, loyal Lunatics. Here is the post-week 7 installment of the Football Ranter's Power Rankings. Each week we'll rank all 32 teams from top to bottom and give some explanation for the ranking.
Feel free to disagree in the comments section. Fun starts after the jump.
Feel free to disagree in the comments section. Fun starts after the jump.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Quote of the Day
"We have a stable of young horses that can run and guys that can just move. Very young, very inexperienced but tons of potential and it's tough to give up a young guy with a lot of potential for a guy that's got a lot of history in the league that's in his late 30s so I can't see him coming here, but I had a good time playing with him and he's an explosive player himself."
-Carson Palmer, Oakland Raiders quarterback
BAHAHA! Very nicely done, Carson. It's obvious those years of public relations training have paid off, because this is one of the best understated rips of all time. Lets translate this gem line by line, shall we?
"We have a stable of young horses that can run and guys that can just move."
Translation: We have a bunch of track stars that couldn't catch a cold if they were trying.
"Very young, very inexperienced but tons of potential"
Translation: They make stupid mistakes that make their quarterback want to kill them, but he can't because he's too slow to catch them.
"It's tough to give up a young guy with a lot of potential for a guy that's got a lot of history in the league that's in his late 30's"
Translation: I like dudes. But I prefer younger dudes that haven't gotten around as much to dudes that probably have herpes because they're the NFL's village bicycle. (Side note: why Carson suddenly slipped into a diatribe about his personal life, I don't know. But if you doubt in any way that this is what he was really talking about, I direct your attention to Exhibit A.) (Editor's note: not that there's anything wrong with that.)
"so I can't see him coming here"
Translation: Please, Raiders executives, do not trade for this man. If you do, it's definitive proof for me that there is no god.
"But I had a good time playing with him and he's an explosive player himself."
Translation: But I had a good time playing with him and he exploded all over my sheets.
I'm just not sure this was really what the reporters were looking for when they went down this line of questioning. But hey, to each their own. Far be it from me to criticize someone else for getting their freak on, even if it's with T.O. I confine my criticism of Carson Palmer to his train-wreck decision making and noodle-arm.
-Carson Palmer, Oakland Raiders quarterback
BAHAHA! Very nicely done, Carson. It's obvious those years of public relations training have paid off, because this is one of the best understated rips of all time. Lets translate this gem line by line, shall we?
"We have a stable of young horses that can run and guys that can just move."
Translation: We have a bunch of track stars that couldn't catch a cold if they were trying.
"Very young, very inexperienced but tons of potential"
Translation: They make stupid mistakes that make their quarterback want to kill them, but he can't because he's too slow to catch them.
"It's tough to give up a young guy with a lot of potential for a guy that's got a lot of history in the league that's in his late 30's"
Translation: I like dudes. But I prefer younger dudes that haven't gotten around as much to dudes that probably have herpes because they're the NFL's village bicycle. (Side note: why Carson suddenly slipped into a diatribe about his personal life, I don't know. But if you doubt in any way that this is what he was really talking about, I direct your attention to Exhibit A.) (Editor's note: not that there's anything wrong with that.)
"so I can't see him coming here"
Translation: Please, Raiders executives, do not trade for this man. If you do, it's definitive proof for me that there is no god.
"But I had a good time playing with him and he's an explosive player himself."
Translation: But I had a good time playing with him and he exploded all over my sheets.
I'm just not sure this was really what the reporters were looking for when they went down this line of questioning. But hey, to each their own. Far be it from me to criticize someone else for getting their freak on, even if it's with T.O. I confine my criticism of Carson Palmer to his train-wreck decision making and noodle-arm.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Quote of the Day
“I can’t even fathom those thoughts of those people that conjure up that ["Suck for Luck"] stuff. They have never played sports and pretty much aren’t really our loyal fans. I can’t really put any weight into that and I know the players don’t listen to it. It’s a shame, but people are going to talk and we just have to block that out.”
-Anthony Fasano, Miami Dolphins Tight End
The stupidity inherent in this statement is of such a serious nature that I refuse to include a joke here. I'm going to very clear: Anthony Fasano is an idiot. If he believes rooting for your quarterback-less team to suck so that they can secure a once-a-decade QB prospect is foolish, he's not paying attention to how teams win in the NFL. Think Colts fans were wrong to root for losses in 1997? How about the Giants, Steelers, or Chargers in 2003? Or even the Falcons in 2007? Hey Anthony: wake the fuck up. Having a miserable season at just the right time can come to define a franchise.
And what would you have those same fans do here? Keep paying their hard earned cash to watch a piece of shit product on the field, root for wins, and then only have it be to their long term detriment when the team goes 5-11 instead of 3-13? Missing the playoffs is missing the playoffs, Anthony. Once your team isn't in the big dance, not only is there nothing wrong with rooting for losses, it's entirely logical and appropriate to do so. Real fans want to see sustained success for their franchise. Since you've never been on a team that enjoyed that, I know you have no idea what that means. Someday, many years after you retire, I hope you'll figure that out. In the meantime, just go back to doing what you do on the field -- nothing.
-Anthony Fasano, Miami Dolphins Tight End
The stupidity inherent in this statement is of such a serious nature that I refuse to include a joke here. I'm going to very clear: Anthony Fasano is an idiot. If he believes rooting for your quarterback-less team to suck so that they can secure a once-a-decade QB prospect is foolish, he's not paying attention to how teams win in the NFL. Think Colts fans were wrong to root for losses in 1997? How about the Giants, Steelers, or Chargers in 2003? Or even the Falcons in 2007? Hey Anthony: wake the fuck up. Having a miserable season at just the right time can come to define a franchise.
And what would you have those same fans do here? Keep paying their hard earned cash to watch a piece of shit product on the field, root for wins, and then only have it be to their long term detriment when the team goes 5-11 instead of 3-13? Missing the playoffs is missing the playoffs, Anthony. Once your team isn't in the big dance, not only is there nothing wrong with rooting for losses, it's entirely logical and appropriate to do so. Real fans want to see sustained success for their franchise. Since you've never been on a team that enjoyed that, I know you have no idea what that means. Someday, many years after you retire, I hope you'll figure that out. In the meantime, just go back to doing what you do on the field -- nothing.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
HOUUUUUUUUUUSE!!!
Check it out- a flat out mugging (and possible rape) of Dustin Keller by Donald Butler.
HOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!
HOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!
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