Good morning, Lunatics. Check out the Football Ranter game picks for week 4. Take a look at the new degenerate gambler angle too, where we discuss the betting line and who to take if you're inclined to wager.
Fun starts after the jump.
Sunday (Early)
Detroit Lions at Dallas Cowboys: Picked Dallas on the air, but that was before the full extent of their injury list came out. Dez Bryant probably won't play, Felix Jones will be limited, Romo is questionable and was a limited participant in practice on Friday. A healthy Dallas squad wins this game. They're decimated by injuries right now and it's going to sink them against Detroit. Degenerate gambler angle: Detroit is somehow getting points in this game. People are way too high on Dallas after that great Monday Night game. Take the better team and the points. Detroit 27-20.
New Orleans Saints at Jacksonville Jaguars: The Saints are very good. The Jaguars are "freshly sharpened pencil to the temple" awful. This should be an easy win for NOLA, even on the road. Degenerate gambler angle: This is David vs. Goliath, except Goliath is wearing a metal helmet and David has a wooden cooking spoon instead of a slingshot. New Orleans should win by at least 10, so giving up seven points isn't a big deal here. New Orleans 31-17.
San Francisco 49ers at Philadelphia Eagles: Let's see, a shitty west coast team coming east to play a 1pm game against a very good team coming off an embarrassing loss. The question isn't whether Philly wins this game by double digits, it's how many multiples of ten. Degenerate Gambler angle: A west coast team coming east getting fewer than 10 points would be scary normally. After being embarrassed in their own house by a division rival last week, the Iggles will be out for blood against SF. Philadelphia 26-6.
Washington Redskins at St. Louis Rams: This is a tough game to pick. The Rams are unlikely to go 0-16, which means they're going to beat someone somewhere along the line. The 'Skins are going on the road again after a draining loss in Dallas. St. Louis wins this game at home. Degenerate Gambler angle: Tempting to take Washington at only -1, but the Rams are not as bad as they've looked thus far. Take the point and the upset here. St. Louis 21-20.
Tennessee Titans at Cleveland Browns: It doesn't seem to matter whether I pick Cleveland to win or lose, they fuck me over. Whatever pick I make here, Lunatics, do the precise opposite. Cleveland is a mortal lock to do polar opposite of whatever I predict. So here we go: The Titans are going to debacle the Browns on the road. CJ2K is going to have his first big game and the Browns are going to be pounded into bolivian. Then Mike Holmgren is going to eat Browns coach Pat Shurmur, paint his chest with his blood, then tear his shirt off and throw the bones at Titans coach Mike Munchak. Football Ranter Mortal Reverse-Lock on all of that. Degenerate gambler angle: This line is a pick 'em, so no points either way. Gross. Even a true degenerate shouldn't bet this game. (Take the Browns since I just mortal reverse-locked them into victory here.) Tennessee 17-15.
Buffalo Bills at Cincinnati Bengals: Buffalo is precisely the type of team that won't know how to handle success this season. They just won their "superbowl" over the Pats at home in week 3, now they have to go play Cincy on the road -- they won't be as fired up for this game. It'll be close, but they'll still probably pull it out. Degenerate gambler angle: The Bills aren't 6 points better than the Bengals. Take the home team and the three points. Buffalo 26-24.
Minnesota Vikings at Kansas City Chiefs: This game makes me want to cry. The Problem vs. The Problem Lite in an epic matchup to crown the second worst team in the NFL (sorry Colts fans). Minnesota is really terrible, but at least they have AP. Will they use him? Who the fuck knows. Either way Minnesota's D looks better with Kevin Williams back and they won't even have Jamaal Charles to contend with. Degenerate gambler angle: Minnesota going into Arrowhead and giving up three points? That seems dicey given their propensity to blow games. Take KC and the points. Minnesota 22-20.
Carolina Panthers at Chicago Bears: The Bears are the better team and they're at home. That means they're going to win, right? Wrong. Carolina is 18th in the NFL in points allowed per game. Chicago? 19th. Carolina is 17th in points scored per game -- tied with Chicago. Carolina is 7th in total yards, Chicago is 23rd. Carolina is actually the better team, believe it or not. Degenerate gambler angle: 6.5 points and the better team? Take degenerate gambling to new heights on this one, folks. Bet your kids' college fund, pawn your wife's jewelry, fuck it -- sell an organ or two! UPSET SPECIAL Carolina 26-18.
Pittsburgh Steelers at Houston Texans: This is the type of game an experienced Steelers squad will find a way to win, and an up and coming Texans team will find a way to blow. Matt Schaub's numbers in the 4th quarter aren't inspiring, and he'll need to be clutch to win this one. Degenerate gambler angle: The Steelers are underrated because of how bad they looked against the Colts. Take the points, even on the road. Pittsburgh 27-23.
Sunday (Late)
New York Giants at Arizona Cardinals: The Cardinals are "cover your eyes" awful. At home or not, the G-Men should win and win big. Degenerate gambler angle: The Giants are only giving up 1 point to a bottom-five team in Arizona? Yes, please. New York 34-14.
Atlanta Falcons at Seattle Seahawks: The Falcons have certainly been underwhelming thus far. You know who's been more underwhelming? The Seachickens. They needed the 12th man to beat the miserable Cardinals by 3 points last week. It's going to take more than that to take down Atlanta. Degenerate gambler angle: Atlanta should have no problem covering a spread as high as a TD. The fact that they're only giving the Seachickens 4.5 points is a coup. Bet it. Bet it long, and bet it hard. Atlanta 32-9.
Miami Dolphins at San Diego Chargers: I can't help but feeling like San Diego will find a way to blow this game. Then I realized that the Dolphins are 30th in passing yards allowed per game. Phillip Rivers is going to go buck wild. Sadly the game will still probably be close. Degenerate gambler angle: San Diego will choke their way into a close win. No way they should be giving the 'Fins 7 points, even at home. San Diego 26-22.
Denver Broncos at Green Bay Packers: Not wasting anyone's time here. Packers at home over the shitty Broncos. Degenerate gambler angle: Twelve points is a lot, but the Broncos can't stop anyone, much less Aaron Rodgers. Take the Pack to win big at home. Green Bay 33-16.
New England Patriots at Oakland Raiders: New England will be out for blood in this one. McFadden is banged up and Belichick will figure out a way to stop him anyway. Degenerate gambler angle: New England -5 is a gift. Brady is going tear Al Davis' asshole up. New England 35-24.
New York Jets at Baltimore Ravens: Game of the week. Jets will be focused coming off an embarrassing road loss, while Baltimore will want to stick it Sexy Rexy. Close game either way, but I'm obligated to take the Jets after saying they would lose to the Jags. Degenerate gambler angle: Don't bother betting this game. If there's a gun to your head and you have to, take the points in a close game and go with the J-E-T-S. New York 19-17.
Monday Night Football
Indianapolis Colts at Tampa Bay Buccaneers: The Colts are the worst team in the NFL going on the road after a deflating loss to the Steelers at home. Uhh...I'll take Tampa. Degenerate Gambler angle: Tampa is going to win, but Indy's defense is actually pretty good. Tampa won't cover a 10 point spread, take Indy. Tampa Bay 22-18.
Until next time, Lunatics.
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