"People were trying to dictate what I should do with my life. And who I should be. 'You should be a football player.' 'I would cut off my left nut to do what you do. How dare you walk away from it?'
"I'll tell you how I dare, because I don't want to do it anymore. I don't have the passion to do it anymore. And so I walked away from it. And it rubbed people the wrong way."
-Tiki Barber
Waaah, I'm Tiki Barber and no one likes me! Waaah, I left my pregnant wife to fuck a 23 year old intern! Waaah I bashed the Giants and then they won the greatest Superbowl of all time without me! Hey, newsflash Tiki, of course no one fucking likes you. You're a scumbag who traded everything in their life for glory, then missed out on that glory on every level imaginable. Plus you were awful on television. Let's call a spade a spade here. This Tiki Barber redemption tour is about one thing and one thing only: straight cash, homie. Tiki is flat broke and no one wants to pay him to do anything except go the fuck away and leave the rest of us alone. Ipso facto, the Tiki Barber comeback tour.
You know what though, that's all OK. The only thing Tiki did wrong here was apologize. Let's go through the play by play, shall we? Tiki retired at age 31, an age when running backs typically fall off a cliff, after flat out raping and pillaging the NFL for five consecutive years. He was on top of the world, he had a post-NFL career planned out and he didn't want to risk major injury by coming back for one more year. Then he went on TV and bad mouthed the Giants and Eli Manning. Well guess what? Hindsight is 20/20, folks. If Asante Samuel remembers how to catch a football or David Tyree doesn't use his phone-a-friend direct line to god, then Tiki Barber is one hundred percent right in everything he said about that team. Finally, leaving his wife pregnant with twins wife to terrorize a 23 year old intern's vagina? Find me the man on earth that doesn't make the same choice in his shoes. "Hmm, let me think. Fat cow wife whose vagina is about to be so stretched I could walk around in there, or smoking hot 23 year old vag you couldn't swipe a credit card in? This has to be a trick question...it's too easy."
There you have it, nothing wrong with any of that. Tiki fucked up by not sticking to his guns and saying he was sorry for what he did. Nothing America hates more than a pussy who won't stand up for himself. This is the good old US of A, we don't tolerate pussies and communists, which may or may not be the same thing. Fuck yea Tiki Barber!
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